For the man was intuitive, he anticipated everything. He could pick out a whisper in the wind, or could register the slightest added value a girl put into her words, probably even reading the faltering in her face. He once licked this girls wounds and there wasn’t even a scar the next day. He wrestled with his ability to be with her and rarely saw chances where they couldnt be together - it was like grappling with a tree. When he predicted rain, it rained; when he encouraged plants, they grew; when he scorned animals, they retreated; whomever he wanted to stir, he astonished.
The weeks after this girl quelled her interest, he and this woman, the new love, saw them stroll to many places to attend the opening hours. Part of him remained at home and slyly migrated from room to room. He walked into the bedroom and investigated the phone he would call to ask the girl for love advice, even after they didnt speak. He sat on the bed waiting for a response. The woman reminded him of how he felt about relationships. He must’ve wanted to all his life, but lost some curiosities in recent years; the feeling of detaching from people more instilled this time. He suffocated from girl to woman, and couldnt breathe with the memory on his pillowcase. He skittered over his thoughts to construe the scars where the loyalty for what he showed was now removed by lack of a phone conversation. He manufactured a friend that was missing the fact he was trying to reconcile by calling her, and tell her she had been right all along. He imagined himself at her young age. He imagined himself in a coffin. He considered possibilities and everything wonderful that she would promise to others.
Her ravings were so crowded with recriminations and insults and petitions, with weeping and politics and wild expressions of love, that it seemed bewildering to him that he was even with her for minutes, let alone hours; yet he was. She was artful once, a giant of a girl, but she made herself seem even smaller, resulting in being too young and spiritless to know what to do with people. Grim experience was in her eyes, many years of pouting shaped her lips, but everything else about her expression seemed to evince an appealing cupidity, as if she could accept anything as long as it was pleasing. She made him kiss her on the mouth like a lover and he rubbed her neck and temples as he avowed his affection for her and confessed his frailties and shortcomings. But nothing upset and preoccupied him like the phrase that dreaded him most, that a relationship will happen. It seemed more than a simple curse; there was the ring of something entrapping and prophetic about it, it was the sort of thing that deterred him away.
He was increasingly irritable and suspicious, and a cantankerous mood could fly over him as quickly as the shadow of a bird. But he was neither close-mouthed nor sulky for long, and so it went, he was increasingly cavalier. Merry, moody, unpredictable. He camouflaged his depressions and derangements with masquerades of extreme cordiality, courtesy, and goodwill towards others. But even as he jested or was tickled by his new lady in the ribs, he would look over at the past with melancholy eyes as if the other girl were meshed in an infinite communication that she lambasted with him, regardless of being friends or otherwise. He was now certain that the girl had unriddled him; had seen through her reasons for coming to love him; that he could forecast each of her possible moves and inclinations and was only acting the innocent in order to lull himself out of stupid tranquility and miscalculation.
She was bigger than you can imagine, staying more for comfort than companionship in places, and she couldn’t get enough to eat. She was hungry all the time. She ate all the food in their dining rooms and then she ate all the plates and the glasses and the light off the candles; she ate all the air in your lungs and the thoughts right out of your mind. You’d go to her, wanting to be with her, and you’d always come away missing something. He looked at the girl with anger and of course she saw him as a mystery finally having been explored; nothing to further ruminate. They were so similar in nature, he estimated a gross display of love would scare her off completely. And having admitted that, wondering if it were true.. Now you know why I said…
I love you.